Allen passed away on January 1, 2019. With time, some aspects become more manageable, yet a piece of my heart remains forever absent. I continued with my day, but suddenly, tears flowed, followed by uncontrollable sobbing. Recalling his birth, his essence, and his achievements fills me with pride. My heart reaches out to him, expressing how deeply he is missed. Wishing Allen a Happy Heavenly Birthday!
Month: May 2024
My inquisitive self
Today, I explored another healing technique using a pendulum. I look forward to sharing my insights with you as I delve deeper. Currently, I’m utilizing charts and finding the process captivating.
I find joy in embarking on a journey through my books, discovering new insights and topics to write about. Although I’ve read numerous books over the years, I must confess that I’ve merely skimmed through many of them. Frequently, I find myself selecting an intriguing book in the bookstore, only to have it remain unopened on my shelf for years. I know I am not alone on this one. Then, one day, it called out to me. It’s the perfect moment. The books almost seem to speak to me, to sing to me. As I look around, there’s always one that stands out more than the rest, one I know I haven’t yet explored. That’s when I realize, it’s time to delve into this one. I wasn’t ready for it when I first brought it home.
I’m always immersed in books, often juggling several at a time. Their narratives begin to intertwine and resonate within my thoughts. Then, as if guided by intuition, I find another book that weaves these threads into a coherent whole, enhancing my understanding in case something is overlooked.
For years, I have pursued this without pause. I’ve longed to pass on this knowledge, and now, you are the one I share it with.
I’m still standing
It’s been some time since my last update here. I’ve recently entered singlehood after a 17-year relationship. I’ll omit the painful details, but I’m open to sharing the insights I’ve gained since he departed our home.
Though this wasn’t my first breakup, it felt completely different. The echoes of past traumas resurfaced. In the beginning, it took a while for me to recover from the initial shock and work through the various stages of grief.
At first, he was the chef, and I relied on him for cooking and grocery shopping. Being catered to was enjoyable, but I didn’t anticipate the detrimental effect on my self-reliance. It left me feeling dependent, a condition I had always tried to evade. It’s something you don’t realize at the moment.
As time passed, I learned to function independently and I’m proud to say that I’m still standing strong.
A year and a half has passed, and I’m still in this house. I’ve been unable to sell it despite doing everything possible to prepare it. I feel it’s time to begin my new life, yet it seems the universe has different plans for me. I persist in journaling, and with every moment that passes, new insights reveal themselves to me. I remain patient, immersing myself in each revelation.
I’ve always understood that loss isn’t confined to death. Yet, the magnitude of loss I’m experiencing feels overwhelming. Nevertheless, I’ve come to understand that healing from my partner’s departure is perhaps necessary before I can start to move forward. As I downsize and transition to a new area, the life I once knew seems to be fading away continuously. I am ready and willing to embrace the act of letting go.
Lady Hy: WisdomKeeper 